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prprincenyc
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Country: United States
State: New York
Birthday: 2/19/1977
Gender: Male
Interests: Sinking Beneath the Breath of God
Expertise: An esteemed Corporate PR Professional questioning how I spiraled into the belly of this machine without hesitation
Occupation: Marketing
Industry: Media
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/5/2002
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| Finally, it's over and I am off to some foreign land to move on with my life and forget that this ever happened and I will. I have no idea what you are doing or where you are and really, I don't want to know because it will just break my heart a thousand times over. There were so many things that were wrong with us I don't even know why I still hold on or believe it was anything worth fighting for. I guess you stopped fighting a long time ago and I suppose that is what broke me. I know deep in my heart that the crossroads at which we met were truly divine. I truly believe that our union was sacred. Despite what others have told me to dissuade me from you, I know that what we shared was genuine. Or was it, I don't know. I was once like you. But today, now, I stand here. Spinning in this center of the universe just waiting for you to come back to me. What is here is real, and full of love. But I can't stand here anymore. I will die of loneliness or heartache and I need to wake up in the morning and pretend that I am a strong and powerful man. I am leaving this corner, it's a bit cold but still utterly beautiful painted of dreams and memories of you and I. Every once in a while I will remember or check in and wonder if you have treaded here too. It breaks my heart to have to give up. But I know, no matter who or what it is that is distracting you and keeps you believing that you have moved on, there will never be a greater love than this. Why did you have to give it all up it's so unnecessary? There will never be a greater love than this. Trust me, I have found out the hard way.
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| I rarely write about beginnings. Usually only about endings. Only when it's all over and nothing but sadness or despair consuming my being. But for once, I will chronicle something that has just started. I suppose I am a bit superstitious never to talk or write about anything before it happens.
I remember thinking to myself if there was any alternative option to the gym bunny, gossip mongering superficial gay boy types here to Singapore. Or in the world, for that matter. I would dream endlessly about some skinny rocker boy with lots of tattoos and enough balls to have a real fuck you attitude to the society around him. While I do not know him that well yet, there is a sense that my world is about to be challenged once again.
No matter how much of a rebel I think that I am, I am the ultimate system maintainer. The ultimate elitist and classist who only challenged the status quo because he was a part of the privileged status quo and could afford to raise his middle finger to the establishment. It was so easy to rebel against the American class system during my high-school graduation present on a backpacking drug and disco trip throughout Europe. It was so easy to spit on American politics from a hash bar in Amsterdam with some Europeans I would never meet again. To dismiss the American dream from club in Paris...or chasing a boy country to country around Asia on daddy's credit card.
It was easy talking among well heeled peers about how justice does not exist in this world from a nice airconditioned classroom in a private elite university. It was easy to play street kid aka rich-boy prositute only to have my New York City rent money wired into my bank account every month. So today, I finally realize that no matter how much of a rebel I believe myself to be...I will always be that little rich kid from Orange County who drives that Lexus and runs over people he doesn't like in life.
Am I ready to have that all challenged?
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| My Dearest, Do you remember, the first night that we met, we talked about which cigarette was best? There you were, hesitantly lighting up you Dunhill menthol bathed in a box of light green. And I, with a semi-demasuclated version of my Marlboro cigarettes. We both lit up in hesitation and fear of judgement, and slightly bemused by eachothers' habitual appreciation for tobacco. Tonight, right now, I am smoking Dunhill menthol. The very cigarettes you so enthusisastically endorsed outside the crossroads of a hundred cars all falling silent to the beginnings of our union. Good Lord, I adored you. Right then and there, amidst the electricity of night. Already wondering if the words you uttered were any indication of our future. Holding back because the moment we had together was so electric. Little did I know that moment would repeat itself, over and over again. That electricty and sheer sense of hope and innocence...like we were two teenaged boys skipping class just to be together...all in the name of rebellion guised behind a stick of refined leaves of Virgina tobacco. That moment, we connected and made mental notes in our minds that this was something that was possible. Sometimes I wonder if I stand on that street corner...I would see you again sitting against the wall and looking at me as if the world around us had disappeared.... Yours, Danny | | |
| I think my whole life I have tried to find my calling. And tonight, I think I have. Religious tolerance. | | |
| I think my whole life I have tried to find my calling. And tonight, I think I have. Religious tolerance.
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